Timo and Masha by Richard Short

Timo and Masha



Timofey and Maksim had been cooped up for four days inhaling each other's farts and growing irritable when they decided enough was enough and they went to the money pot for their last ten pounds. "You keep hold of this Maksim" said Timofey, handing Maksim the ten pounds. "But why? Why do I have to hold it?" said Maksim, backing away from the notes."Because I have no pockets in these trousers!" answered Timofey sternly."But neither do I, at least you have a coat!" and by now Maksim was up against the wall, pressed into the corner like a cat. Timofey threw the notes at Maksim who jabbed them away with the sharp end of an umbrella and the notes floated back down to Timofey's outstretched palm – "Fine, but I'm bound to lose them for I'm as high as a kite". It didn't take long for Timofey to lose the ten pounds and by the end of B- Street he realised that his pockets held not a single penny. The bar they were going to was on C- street and on entering Timofey strode up to the pretty barmaid and ordered a bottle of vodka and two glasses. Timofey knew that if Maksim was drunk enough he would forget who had been keeping the ten pounds and all would be ok. "Drink, drink" ordered Timofey, and Maksim drank. They drank for an hour, running their four eyes over the barmaid and telling her bald lies. "I think you two are drunk" laughed the barmaid, who had taken a shine to Timofey. "Well why not relieve us of some of this bottle then?" asked Timofey. But the barmaid, who's name was Tomasina, didn't drink. "I only get high" she whispered. "Well, Timofey gets high too!" exclaimed Maksim. "Really?" "Well, yes, if you would care to?" – and so the three of them slid behind the bar and inhaled the fumes from Timofey's can until they were all rolling around laughing. After a half hour or so the party was interrupted by the returning bar owner, who upon seeing Timofey and Maksim behind his bar booted them both in the mouth. Tomasina pointed at the bottle of vodka on the bar and the bar owner apologised to his patrons – "I thought you were tramps getting high, I'm sorry". Timofey and Maksim picked themselves up and had a good laugh with the bar manager Berthold, who was quite a nice man really and had a lot of lies to tell too. So time passed like this for an hour. When Maksim and Timofey tried to leave Tomasina asked them for the vodka money –"Six pounds please boys". Maksim and Timofey were now so gone that neither genuinely knew who had lost the ten pounds. It was a very awkward few minutes between the two but soon the room grew louder when the barmaid and the bar owner realised that only Timofey had pockets and that Timofey's pockets were entirely empty. "You with the pockets, where is the six pounds?""We only had ten between us and I lost it" said Timofey, who then spat on the carpet. The bar owner grabbed the bottle of vodka and took it to Timofey's neck and shoulders, lacerating his jugular and killing him. With Timofey's body laying on the ground Maksim looked on in silence. Tomasina and Berthold also watched in silence as Timofey's small green soul seeped out of his neck, across the carpet and out into the street. Timofey's soul floated down the street and at the corner of D- and E- the ground opened and the soul descended into Hell. Maksim had been running after it like a child after a squirrel and whether through pity or love, or merely from the belief that Timofey still had their last ten pounds, Maksim jumped into the smoke the soul had left behind and was swallowed whole.